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Pictures at the local beach where we used to go when I was a child. It brings back such memories, both happy and very solemn.
I think the older you get and especially once you have kids of your own, you realize that nobody knows what the hell they’re doing. I was really angry at my mother for a really long time until I was her age with my own kids. I now can understand why things happened the way they did or how friggin hard it can be just to keep the lights on and food on the table. Your parents probably have their own traumas, short comings, mental health issues, etc that they’re dealing with while they’re trying to figure out how to live. I think we all grow up thinking our parents are heroes and that they have all the answers, or, that they are horrible demons, but sadly none of that is true.
Also I feel like it is easier to blame someone else for our own poor choices. I got pregnant when I was 16. It’s easy to blame my mom for not being more involved or setting firmer boundaries. Ultimately it was me that made the choices I made and that is a harder pill to swallow. Did your childhood suck and in turn you messed around at school and now you’re paying for it? Sure, but you can’t change that. You have a GI bill so start with a community college, fix your GPA and then move on to bigger better things.
When I was about 30 I started going to a support group and one of the things they asked us to do was write down all the things we felt resentment about. I typed mine instead, same thing. I have it all saved on a flash drive and still add to it when I feel like it, which thankfully isn’t much anymore.
Anyway, I started to notice my parents more now. To look at them differently. Still with anger but also with understanding.
Forgiveness doesn’t come by repressing your anger or resentment of them. It doesn’t do anyone any good, to force themselves to forgive. I don’t see this as blame shifting or narcissistic. It’s simply allowing the feeling. If my parents honestly affected my life because of how they raised me, aren’t I allowed to feel angry?
I am, and that was a good start. They didn’t take it well when I first told them but I kept at it and we now talk regularly. Sometimes for better and often times it’s tedious. But I am happy I told them.
I think that’s key.
Thanks for reading.
– CaffeineAddict
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