Narcissistic Father lead to Emotional Eating
My father wanted the best for me but he didn’t see me as a separate person. He just had a certifiable personality disorder – narcissistic personality disorder.
Because of him, I developed my emotional eating patterns that stay with me to this day.
As for my mother, she always just wanted me to be happy and was not the abuser. Each of us may have different circumstances but a common theme of abuse by people who should have loved us and cared for us with less dysfunction.
Forgiveness I have found sadly can’t be willed, but it’s a personal choice to let go and move on as our lives are what we make it. It is an inherently self preserving act to forgive.
As for the them wanting me to live my life to the fullest, it is what I tell myself so I can have some peace as they have both physically passed.
There is enough pain without me putting more on myself and my current life. I was estranged from my father for four years towards the end of his life so sometimes you do need to make that cut for one’s own personal sanity.
I did send him a letter once before he passed and I was surprised to get a response after so many years. It wasn’t much and I don’t think he quite grasped the seriousness of what I was saying in mine.
Instead of writing back I wrote my own response to myself at an emotionally turbulent time very shortly after my father’s passing.
Because despite all the shortcomings of my father, there was love there. I eventually come to a place of peace and this I sincerely wish for all.
I hope you find your peace and alleviate your eating along with it.
This tree reminds me of him so much. It’s sad really but it’s what i have left, just the memory.
– Leyla L
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